The Pandora Joyride
by Maiko2853
Summary: Norm, Jake, Trudy, and Wainfleet hijack Papa Dragon and take it for a joyride. Chaos ensues as are four trouble-makers fly around, hunting Banshee's, getting drunk, and driving up to Hometree so Jake can fight Tsu'tey.


**_THE PANDORA JOYRIDE_**

Summary: Norm, Jake, Trudy, and Wainfleet hijack Papa Dragon and take it for a joyride. Chaos ensues as are four trouble-makers fly around, hunting Banshee's, getting drunk, and driving up to Hometree so Jake can fight Tsu'tey.

Random quote of the day: "Their is still one thing in this day and age that you can get for one dollor. The waiter's opinion. - Frank and Ernest

Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar. James Cameron does.

* * *

**_Chapter 1: Hijacking Papa Dragon_**

Jake wheeled himself down the hall. Norm had called and told him to come to the airfield. He didn't know why Norm had called him down here. But he didn't care, at least it was something to do outside being an avatar driver. Jake grabbed an exo-pack and put it on before heading out the door.

He saw Norm in the middle of the airfield. "Okay Norm, why the hell did you call me over here... in the middle of the night I might add!"

Norm smiled. "I'm going to hijack Dragon."

Jake blinked. Then blinked some more. And then his face became a look of anger. "What the F(BEEP) are you thinking Norm! Your talking hijacking a Dragon Assault Gunship! Not just "A" Dragon Assault Gunship, but "THE" Dragon Assault Gunship. The one thing that Quaritch loves more than anything on Pandora!"

Norm Frowned. "Come on Jake, let's ju-"

"No! No! I am not helping you hijack Papa Dragon Norm. Quaritch would kill us if he found us taking his favorite gunship for a joyride!"

"Awww, come on Jake, it will only be for a little while."

"Dammit Norm, for the last time, no means NO!"

"But Jake, I spent the past several weeks preparing for this day. I sabotaged the security cameras, uploaded viruses to the computers, and changed the schedules so that no one would be the guarding the gunships. I mean, hell Jake, I even hacked Parker and Quaritch's Laptop's so that they wouldn't interfere.

* * *

Parker Selfridge walked into his office. Taking a short sip from his hot cocoa, Parker sat down in his chair. (1)

"Ahhhh, finally. Now that everything is done for the day, I can look at my special pictures."

Parker flipped open his laptop and pulled up the file he was looking for. His face immediately went white in surprise, and then red with rage.

* * *

Miles Quaritch walked into his bunk. Taking a long slurp form his black coffee, Quaritch sat down on his bed. (2)

"Ahhhh, finally. Now that we got that boring paperwork out of the way, I can finally see how many of those bloodthirsty savages and dumb animals my people killed today."

Quaritch flipped open his laptop and pulled up the file he was looking for. His face immediately went white in surprise, and then red with rage.

* * *

The door to the scientist's quarters was suddenly kicked open.

One of the male scientist's wearing an orange parka took a golf ball to the testicles and then crumpled to the floor before he was shot in the head.

"OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED KENNY!" Max screamed.

"YOU BASTURDS!" Grace screamed. (3)

Parker and Quaritch stood inside in the room with pissed off looks on their faces.

"ALIRIGHT, WHEN I FIND OUT WHICH ONE OF YOU F(BEEP)ERS REPLACED PARKER'S FURRY PORN WITH BLUE MONKEY ON HUMAN ACTION, AND MY KILL REPORTS WITH TREE HUGGER CRAP, YOUR DEAD!"

Quaritch stopped momentarily to adjust his underpants. Parker mimicked his action.

"AND WHOEVER SHRUNK MY UNDERWEAR IS ALSO DEAD!"

* * *

Jake sighed, knowing Norm wasn't going to quit. "Your sure no one will found out about this, right."

"Don't worry Jake, I covered my tracks really well."

"You better hope so Norm, cause if anyone finds out about this and tells Quaritch, the two of us are dead men."

"Stop your worrying and get on board already."

Norm got inside and opened the ramp for Jake. Jake wheeled himself up into Papa Dragon and then dragged himself up the stairs to the upper level. He pulled himself back into the chair. He looked up and was surprised.

"Trudy! Wainfleet! What the hell are you two doing here!" Jake screamed.

Trudy smiled brightly while Wainfleet snickered. Jake was confused, he thought only Norm knew about this.

"Uh, Norm, why are-"

"Well, I needed an experienced pilot, and once Wainfleet overheard us talking about it, he "insisted" on helping."

"This is true." Wainfleet said, smirking.

Jake frowned. Wainfleet was an unknown asset to this situation. He could do more harm then help.

"I repeat why-"

"Because I changed the soldiers schedules, and then I shrunk all of Quaritch and Selfridge's pairs of underpants to distract them." Wainfleet snickered.

Jake laughed. "Okay, I'm convinced, he's alright. But what exactly are we gonna do while we fly this thing around?"

Trudy smirked. "Target practice."

"Target practice? But wha-"

Wainfleet patted Jake on the shoulder. "Banshees my dear friend. Banshees."

Jake laughed heartily. "Alright, let's go Banshee hunting! Oora!"

Trudy and Norm jumped into the pilot seats. The two quickly started up Dragon. The Dragon Assault Gunship's engines roared to life.

* * *

Quaritch dragged his hand across the balloon, making a horrifying squeaking sound as he did so. Grace, Max, and the rest of the scientists were currently chained to the wall, screaming in agony. Quaritch stopped rubbing the balloon and walked up to Grace. If the situation hadn't been so serious, Grace would've laughed at the fact that Parker and Quaritch were wearing earmuffs to block out the horrible sound.

"Okay. Now I'm going to ask one more time. Which one of you hacked our computers and shrunk our underwear!" Quaritch yelled.

He stopped and readjusted his underwear.

Parker frowned. "Quaritch, this isn't working. I think were going to have to take drastic measures."

Max Gasped. "You don't mean-"

"Yes I do!"

"WAIT!" Quaritch screamed.

He ran out of the sound-proof room.

Quaritch's voice came over the intercom. "Okay, now you can start."

Parker turned on a nearby stereo and Katy Perry's, "Hot N' Cold" started playing. And Parker started singing along… in an extremely high-pitched and out of tone voice.

"Cause you're hot, then you're cold, you're yes, then you're no, you're in, then you're out-"

"OH MY GOD! MY EARS!" One scientist screamed.

"THE PAIN! THE HORROR!" Screamed another.

"JESUS CHRIST! SOMEBODY TEAR OFF MY EARS." Screamed a third.

"ALRIGHT! I'LL TALK! I'LL TALK!" Max screamed.

"DAMMIT MAX! DON'T YOU DARE!" Grace screamed.

Parker smiled and turned off the radio. Quaritch opened the door and stumbled into the room.

"The sick feeling in my stomach stopped. Is it over?"

"Don't worry Quaritch. It's over."

Quaritch Smirked. "Good. Good. So which one of you is the squealer."

Max looked down at the floor as all the other scientists glared at him.

Quaritch walked up to Max. "Alright son, who was it."

Max breathed deeply. "Okay, it was-Wait, what's that sound?"

"Don't try to change the subject limpdick! Now who-"

"Dammit all Quaritch! Just shut the F(BEEP) up and listen!"

Momentarily cowed by Max's sudden abrasive nature, Quaritch listened. Their was a deep rumbling sound of some kind in the distance.

"You know Quaritch, that sounds just like…"

"PAPA DRAGON!" Quaritch and Parker shouted in union.

The two ran out of the room and down the hallway to the control tower room. They ran through the room, ignoring the stares being sent there way.

Quaritch shoved his machine gun into Parker's hands. "Here, take my gun!"

Quaritch grabbed a machine gun from a nearby soldier. "Masks on!"

Parker and Quaritch took a deep breath as they kicked the door open. Alarms sounded as everyone in the control room screamed like little girls and began running around in circles. Parker and Quaritch cocked their machine guns and opened fire on Papa Dragon.

* * *

"Dammit Norm, were taking fire!" Trudy screamed.

"Well let's get this piece of crap in the air already!" Norm screamed back.

Dragon quickly rose into the air, still taking fire.

* * *

Quaritch and Parker's guns clicked empty. They threw the guns down and pulled out their pistols, firing at the gunship as it flew off into the night sky. The two glared as the Dragon Assault Gunship disappeared off into the distance. Then a pained look suddenly came over the two idiots faces. Parker and Quaritch quickly ran back into the base.

* * *

The single scientist and three marines whooped and hollered and cheered in celebration at their successful escape from Hell's Gate. And now, it was time to go Banshee hunting.

* * *

(1) Parker comes off to as the softy adult who drinks hot cocoa.

(2) Like with Parker, I can totally see a hardcore marine like Quaritch drinking coffee at it's most basic and distasteful form.

(3) Hehe, corny reference to South Park. Interesting fact is that in the show when Stan and Kyle shout that at seemingly nobody at all, their actually talking about Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creators and writers of south park.

The first chapter is finally done. I hope you all like it. Remember to review.


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